1
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,090
[grunts]
2
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,175
[groans]
3
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,518
So, how was your day?
4
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:21,938
You know that little starter home
I've been tryin' to sell?
5
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:24,357
Well, guess what?
I sold it.
6
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:26,317
It's like you're cursed.
7
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,946
Yeah, isn't selling houses
what you're supposed to do?
8
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,949
The buyer was another
real estate agent from my firm.
9
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,117
He's gonna flip it!
10
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,161
One of my brothers flips houses.
11
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:37,871
He buys low and sells high.
12
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,831
- He has made a fortune.
- Mmm.
13
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,250
My other brother flipped his pick-up.
14
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,336
He made a fortune
pretending he has whiplash.
15
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,718
This is the third time
he's done this to me.
16
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,012
David Davids,
17
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,514
a guy who's not creative enough
to have two different names
18
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,266
is makin' a fortune off of me!
19
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,101
He's already made 50 grand.
20
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,436
Fifty grand?
21
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:04,939
Reba, excuse me for pointing out
what should be obvious,
22
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,108
but there's a simple way
to keep this from happening.
23
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:11,196
Instead of being the, "flippee,"
you should be the flipper.
24
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,490
[gasps] Yeah, Mom,
you should totally do that.
25
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:17,077
Do you think I'm so stupid
that I hadn't already thought of that?
26
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,829
[mouthing words]
27
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,415
I've already thought of that!
28
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,252
Well, then, why don't you do it?
29
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:27,504
'Cause.
30
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,800
You have to have a preapproved mortgage
from the bank, and I can't get it.
31
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,676
My credit rating is too low.
32
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,720
Don't ever get divorced, Cheyenne,
it'll ruin you.
33
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,971
Sorry!
34
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,682
Hey, wait a minute,
you and Van are partners, right?
35
00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,893
Well, Van has one of those
preapproval letters.
36
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,186
No, he doesn't.
37
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,521
- Wait. He does?
- Mmm-hmm.
38
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:45,897
Why?
39
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,191
He got it after the 10th time
you threatened to kick us out.
40
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,193
He said we needed a quick exit strategy.
41
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:53,863
I got it.
42
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,573
Wite-Out.
43
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,700
We'll get the letter from Van,
44
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,954
we'll Wite-Out his name,
we'll put in your name...
45
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,248
You know, as I say it,
it sounds like fraud.
46
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,710
Look, why don't you just mooch off Van?
That'd be a turnaround.
47
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,504
- That's a great idea.
- [Cheyenne] Yeah.
48
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,339
Who knew Van could be so useful?
49
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,382
This is perfect.
50
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,218
I got the brains and the know-how.
He's got the credit!
51
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,638
[chuckles] I can't wait to bring
Van in on this!
52
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:19,722
Bring Van in on what?
53
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,183
Ooh, Van, I got a great idea
for us to make some money.
54
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,478
If you're thinkin' about sellin' pot
like that chick on Showtime,
55
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,813
the answer is no.
56
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:28,690
No.
57
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,734
I'm thinkin' about buyin' and sellin'
some of the real estate we list.
58
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,403
You mean that thing Davy two-names does?
59
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,529
The, uh, flippin' thing?
60
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,490
Yes, yes, it's me and you, Van,
rakin' in the cash!
61
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,492
- And you'd let me do that with you?
- Yes.
62
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:40,910
Pass.
63
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,416
[theme song playing]
64
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,792
[Reba] Hey, hey.
65
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,086
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
66
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,047
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
67
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:57,302
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
68
00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,096
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
69
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,765
♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
70
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:03,975
♪ With gentle hands ♪
71
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,519
{\an8}♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪
72
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,942
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
73
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,492
"Pass?"
74
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,953
I offer you what could be
the chance of a lifetime
75
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,163
and you say, "Pass"?
76
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,080
Wait a minute.
77
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:27,957
This could be the chance of a lifetime?
78
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,500
- Yes.
- Oh. Pass.
79
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,585
Wait a minute.
80
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:33,421
All right,
you're actually startin' to annoy me.
81
00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:34,631
Why pass?
82
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,884
{\an8}Because, Mrs. H, the housing market
is falsely inflated right now.
83
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,135
{\an8}Full of untrained speculators,
84
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,179
{\an8}and the bubble
is gonna burst at any second.
85
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,474
{\an8}To quote Federal Reserve
Chairman Alan Greenspan,
86
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,768
{\an8}"The froth is on the market."
87
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,357
{\an8}Do you understand anything you just said?
88
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:56,110
{\an8}I understand when an old geezer
in a suit talks about money, I listen.
89
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,820
{\an8}Van, Van, listen.
90
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,865
{\an8}Honey, you're my son-in-law.
91
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,952
{\an8}And I hate to get rich
and you just stay poor.
92
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,580
{\an8}But we're gonna get all your money
when you die anyway.
93
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,957
So, six of one...
94
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,877
Okay, what's goin' on with you?
95
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,546
You've always loved risky stuff.
96
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,925
{\an8}I mean, you were the one that's always
goin' around puttin' forks into toasters.
97
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,970
{\an8}Yes, but when I put a fork in a toaster,
I get a payoff:
98
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,554
{\an8}an English muffin.
99
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,223
Or that one time, my watch.
100
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,060
But the thing that you're talkin' about
doesn't have a payoff.
101
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,687
How can you say that?
102
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,480
{\an8}Do you have any idea how much money
103
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,899
{\an8}David Dingbat is makin'
flippin' these houses?
104
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,402
Yeah, but David Dingbat
has something that you don't have.
105
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,319
Oh, yeah? What's that?
106
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,071
Stones.
107
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,198
"Stones?"
108
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,993
Stones. Cojones. Brass ones.
109
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,578
He doesn't just talk about doin' things,
he does 'em.
110
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,580
I'm gonna do that too.
111
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,832
Oh, Mrs. H, no, you're not.
112
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,917
With all due respect,
you say this every time.
113
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,253
You see somebody else takin' a risk
that works out for them
114
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,629
and you're, like,
"Hey, I wanna do that too."
115
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,424
But at the end of the day,
you just can't pull the trigger.
116
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,219
Well, pardon my French,
but that's buffalo droppings.
117
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:05,638
You think I don't have stones?
118
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,141
Watch this.
119
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,061
Those aren't stones.
120
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,398
These are stones.
121
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:24,866
Mmm.
122
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,577
[pretentiously] Coffee ground
with a hint of eggshell.
123
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,832
You're wrong about me, Van.
124
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,418
And to prove it, I guarantee you
125
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,254
that I will buy a house to flip
within the week.
126
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,547
You're serious? One week?
127
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,090
One week. I promise.
128
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:42,717
All right, deal.
129
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,053
One week or seven days,
whichever comes first.
130
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,137
No problem.
131
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,889
I'll get us a house before you can say,
132
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,766
"I wished I hadn't eaten
that garbage banana."
133
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,481
[chuckles]
134
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:05,239
All I'm saying is,
we wouldn't have missed the opera
135
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,158
if you had stopped
and asked for directions.
136
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,202
I know. I get it.
Let it go.
137
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,245
I mean, we didn't even have to pull over.
138
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,414
We've got this stupid "Econostar."
139
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:17,043
All we have to do is push a button,
and a person comes on to help you.
140
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,920
- Watch how easy.
- Whoa! Be careful!
141
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,380
Every time you push that thing,
it costs, like, two bucks.
142
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:23,466
Plus tax. It's a total rip-off.
143
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,302
Yeah, well, the tickets to the opera
cost 65 bucks each,
144
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,012
and we missed the show.
145
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,388
Sixty-fi...
146
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,766
You told me you won those tickets
on a radio show.
147
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:32,975
Oh, get real, Brock.
148
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,603
What radio station
gives away opera tickets?
149
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:36,896
K-LAME?
150
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,565
I bought them
because the opera is far away,
151
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,692
and I thought we could talk in the car.
152
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,278
Well, I can't talk when I'm lost, woman.
153
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,571
Well, when can you talk?
154
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,448
You never want to talk
when you come home from work.
155
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,075
Yeah, because I'm a dentist.
156
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,827
I talk all day long.
157
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,620
My patients have mouths full of equipment.
158
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,872
All they can do is blink
and go... [gagging]
159
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,667
Yeah, well, I'm home all day
with our three-year-old,
160
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,001
and... [gagging]
161
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,753
passes as good conversation!
162
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:05,341
I'm just tryin' to tell you
I need some adult entertainment.
163
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,801
[sighs]
164
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,553
You...
165
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,596
- You wanna rent a dirty movie?
- [scoffs]
166
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:12,932
No.
167
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,810
That is not the answer to everything!
168
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,814
I was talkin' about the opera.
169
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,357
Oh, face it, Barbra Jean,
170
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,985
no straight man in America
wants to go to the opera.
171
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,069
Oh, right.
172
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,737
You're Mr. Macho.
173
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,448
Are you wearing your
leopard thong tonight?
174
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,407
Hey.
175
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:32,118
I got that as something fun for us.
176
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,870
Yeah, well, it's not fun.
177
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,288
It's gay.
178
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,541
That's it,
I don't have to take this anymore.
179
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,461
Hey, everybody!
Brock Hart wears a leopard thong!
180
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,422
Now it's not special.
181
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,722
- [door slams]
- [male voice] You're right, you know.
182
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:57,310
Is that God?
183
00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:00,354
Do you want me to build something?
184
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:03,357
[male voice] No.
You pushed the call button.
185
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,610
I've been listening the whole time.
186
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,904
- [sighs]
- My name's Hal.
187
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,490
Well, hi, Hal.
188
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,241
I'm Barbra Jean.
189
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:13,993
You sound cute.
190
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,330
Really?
191
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,332
- Totally.
- Oh.
192
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,125
I'll talk to you.
193
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,710
I'm not a dentist.
194
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:23,711
Oh.
195
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,005
So tell me about yourself.
196
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,465
Um...
197
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:32,887
Well, I was born in a tiny town
called Friendly, Texas.
198
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,806
My daddy always said,
"That's probably why you're so friendly."
199
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,434
Course, then my sister, Lori Ann,
would always say,
200
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,937
"Well, then she should've
been born in Annoying, Texas!"
201
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,356
Then I just told her,
"Well, I guess that means
202
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,191
you were born in Butt Ugly, Texas!"
203
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,400
[laughs]
204
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,528
I didn't really say that,
I just thought of that now.
205
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,404
[chuckles] You're funny.
206
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,115
Oh, I think so. [chuckles]
207
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:55,743
- [on TV] ...slightly warmer temperatures.
- Hey, honey.
208
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,912
Hey, Mom.
Did you find a house today?
209
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,497
No, why are you asking me that?
210
00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:01,165
Because this morning, you said,
211
00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,084
[imitating accent] "Today's the day
I'm gonna find a house."
212
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,586
Well, I lied.
213
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,089
Just like I've lied
for the last seven days.
214
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,967
Your mama's nothin'
but a big ol' red-headed liar.
215
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,886
Well, howdy, partner.
216
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,055
Your week is up.
What do you got for me?
217
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:16,973
Okay.
218
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:20,059
First of all, I want you to know
that I put a lot of effort into this.
219
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,937
I looked at 50 houses,
ran comps on all of 'em.
220
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,022
Talked to the neighbors,
saw their dogs and their cats.
221
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,816
- You got nothin' right?
- Zilch.
222
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:31,362
You're tellin' me, out of 50 houses,
you couldn't make money on any of 'em?
223
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,739
- Nah. Not many.
- How many?
224
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,117
Mmm, I don't know.
225
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,451
Thirty?
226
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,122
I'm sorry, Van, you're right.
I got no stones.
227
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,206
Stones?
228
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,458
Stones. Kahunas. Brass things.
229
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,839
I don't know what's wrong with me.
230
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,550
Why do I always
look at the glass as half-empty?
231
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,635
Well, I don't know
if it's too late to call the caterer
232
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,512
and cancel your pity party, Mrs. H.
233
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:59,098
But your stoneless condition
has not stopped us.
234
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,057
What are you talkin' about?
235
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,225
I bought a house!
236
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,352
You bought a house without me?
237
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,854
Well, gee, why is that?
238
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:06,439
I had to move fast.
239
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,690
There were 15 other offers on it,
240
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,525
and I was the only one
willing to take it as is.
241
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:10,818
[gasps]
242
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,487
You bought a house as is?
243
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:14,405
No!
244
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,157
We bought a house as is!
245
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,659
Now, if you'll excuse me,
246
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,995
I'm gonna go dig through the garbage
for something to eat.
247
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,874
Brass ones.
248
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,059
Ooh.
249
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,062
Looks good.
250
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,483
[groans]
251
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,321
Well, this little experiment is over.
252
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,033
Van, how could you use our money
253
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,243
and buy a house
that hasn't been inspected?
254
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,079
Because the monkey doesn't get the cheese
255
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,331
unless he swings from the tree.
256
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:07,958
What's that supposed to mean?
257
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,543
It means, "You snooze, you lose."
258
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,170
"No risk, no reward."
259
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,506
"You take a chance, you get to dance."
260
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,715
I got a bunch of these.
261
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:16,550
Van.
262
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,306
Nobody buys a house
without it being inspected.
263
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,517
There's so many things
that could go wrong.
264
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,811
I mean, did you look at the plumbing?
265
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,020
Look for termites?
266
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,647
Inspect the foundation?
267
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,441
It's a little hard to check
the foundation, Mrs. H.
268
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,485
There's a house on top of it.
269
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,447
Look, tomorrow we'll go check it out.
270
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:39,865
We'll have it inspected.
271
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,450
Maybe it'll be in great shape.
272
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,618
And what if it's not?
273
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,121
Well, that's unfortunate 'cause we own it.
274
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,418
[Hal] How's everything with you?
275
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,461
Did you ever find your garlic press?
276
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,547
It was in with the spatulas.
277
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,340
- Told you.
- I know, you did.
278
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,883
- [laughs]
- You did.
279
00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,468
- It's like you know me.
- Hey.
280
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,761
Gosh. Oh...
281
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,932
Why are you sittin' out
in the car again, Barbra Jean?
282
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:06,767
- Me?
- Yeah.
283
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,103
I was, uh...
284
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,021
I was listenin' to the traffic report.
285
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,523
Oh, how come?
You goin' somewhere?
286
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,150
No. Yeah.
287
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:18,612
Well, I was planning to,
288
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:21,615
but the traffic is terrible.
289
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:25,035
There was this horrible accident
on Fair Oaks Avenue.
290
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,787
- Oh, that's awful.
- Yeah.
291
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,206
Why were you laughing?
292
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:34,795
Because it was a funny accident.
293
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,631
- [laughs]
- [chuckles]
294
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:38,841
I see.
295
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:43,888
Yeah, well, if the comedy show's over,
why don't you come inside?
296
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,431
I... I made us dinner.
297
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:46,932
What?
298
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,393
You made me dinner?
299
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:50,728
Well, it's nothing fancy.
300
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,188
It's just spaghetti and meatballs for us,
301
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,440
a little noodle-roni for Henry.
302
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,734
Yeah, I thought maybe we could
hang out and talk.
303
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,152
You know, like you wanted.
304
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,367
Barbra Jean, honey?
305
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,410
Honey, what's the matter?
306
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:08,537
Nothing, I was just...
307
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:12,875
I was just thinking about all those
poor people in that hilarious accident.
308
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:28,224
Hal?
309
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,392
[Hal] Well, finally.
What happened before?
310
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:31,602
Shh.
311
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,688
Don't speak, Hal.
Just listen.
312
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,733
[sighs] I don't feel right about this.
313
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,363
I mean, I know we've only talked
a few times by satellite, but I'm married.
314
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,949
And I feel like I should be sharing
with my husband.
315
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,535
This isn't right.
I'm gonna have to call it off.
316
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,328
Call it off?
317
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,664
You're going to throw everything away?
318
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,165
Everything we shared?
319
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,917
The shortcut to the dry cleaner's?
320
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,961
The time you locked yourself in the trunk?
321
00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,463
Yes.
322
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,382
Those were good times.
323
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,552
But I want my good times to be with Brock.
324
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,970
He doesn't deserve this.
325
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:09,682
He's a good husband
and a good father to my child.
326
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:11,183
And when I'm with him,
327
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,769
I never need directions to love.
328
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,771
He has the road map...
329
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,273
to my heart.
330
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,483
[sobbing]
331
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,069
Oh, my Lord, are you crying?
332
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:23,988
Don't cry, Hal.
333
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,322
[Hal] I'm not crying.
334
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,576
Oh, Barbra Jean.
335
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,078
What are you doin' in the back seat?
336
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,079
[Hal] Are you okay?
337
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,289
Do I need to call the police?
338
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,957
I'm fine, Hal. It's Brock.
339
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,375
Were you spying on me?
340
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,460
Well, I knew somethin' was goin' on.
341
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,463
You spent less time in my car
when we were sneakin' around on Reba.
342
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,173
Nothing happened.
343
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:44,967
I know it didn't...
344
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,385
yet.
345
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,178
Barbra Jean...
346
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:49,930
I love you.
347
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,057
And if it takes a man from...
348
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,685
outer space to make me realize
349
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,687
that I haven't been
paying enough attention to you,
350
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,272
then so be it.
351
00:14:58,731 --> 00:14:59,940
Aww.
352
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,527
Honey, let's go inside.
353
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:04,945
I'll be right there.
354
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,910
Okay, listen up, Hal.
355
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:14,038
You keep your ears off my wife, or else.
356
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,082
[Hal] Or else what?
357
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:21,921
[chuckles]
358
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,422
Very funny.
359
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:25,883
Open the car door, Hal.
360
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,177
[Hal] I can't do that, Dave.
361
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,513
It's Brock.
362
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,265
Open the door!
363
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,267
[Hal] So, tell me, Dave.
364
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,686
Do you get along with your neighbors?
365
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,188
[horn blaring]
366
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,734
[horn continues blaring]
367
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,368
Why is this inspection taking so long?
368
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,245
The guy probably
got attacked by toxic mold
369
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,789
that he found under the cracked foundation
370
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,415
that covers the portal to hell.
371
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,293
Way to be positive, Ma.
372
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,254
Really. And even if he did
find a portal to hell...
373
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,299
you have to admit, that'd be pretty cool.
374
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:12,346
I don't know what it is,
but I can't shake the feeling that
375
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,431
this could be a huge disaster.
376
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,225
You say that about everything.
377
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,185
Remember when I got pregnant at 17?
378
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:19,561
You totally freaked.
379
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:22,356
Guys! This is very serious.
380
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,567
We could be on the verge of takin'
a huge financial loss on this house.
381
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,237
Or we could be on the verge
of makin' a bunch of money.
382
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,863
Why are you only lookin'
at what could go wrong?
383
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,573
Yeah, this could be our lucky day.
384
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,658
[scoffs] Yeah, right.
385
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,410
- [sighs]
- There you go again.
386
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,121
Mrs. H, why is it such an impossibility?
387
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,957
Because luck doesn't happen to everybody.
388
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,167
It just happens to the...
389
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:43,877
lucky people.
390
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,297
Well, maybe you're a lucky person.
391
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,799
Yeah, obviously.
392
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,050
Yes, it is obvious.
393
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,719
It's obvious to us
394
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:55,097
that you're the luckiest person
in the world.
395
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:58,183
You're like a four-leaf clover
with red hair.
396
00:16:58,976 --> 00:16:59,977
How can you say that?
397
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,895
Because every time something bad
has happened to me,
398
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,689
my parents kicking me out of the house,
399
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,232
me getting injured in Denver,
400
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,317
my wife hitting the sauce...
401
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,989
When I get around you, things get better.
402
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,117
"Hittin' the sauce?"
403
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,077
You know what I mean.
404
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:22,374
Mrs. H, I hate that you feel like,
like you're jinxed or something.
405
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:27,504
Technically, what I was doing
was self-medicating, Van.
406
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,923
Well, honey, either way,
it's glug, glug, glug.
407
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,428
Mrs. H, I wanna be in business with you
because you are lucky.
408
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,180
You're blessed.
409
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,681
Not to get too flowery,
410
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,309
but sunshine comes out of your butt.
411
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,228
I can't help it if I don't feel lucky.
412
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,146
Exactly.
413
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,607
Just like how someone
with a drinking problem can't help--
414
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:50,277
Cheyenne, would you be a little lamb
and go out to the car
415
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,113
- and get my briefcase?
- All right.
416
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,157
- Thank you, sweetie.
- Mmm-hmm.
417
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:01,455
Till death do us part, huh?
418
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,043
All right.
419
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,420
- You wanna know how to feel lucky?
- Yeah.
420
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,005
Here it is.
421
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,966
You just feel lucky.
422
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,385
- That's it?
- That's it.
423
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,264
I don't know if I can do that, Van.
424
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:24,061
But if you don't think you can do that,
or if you don't want to do that,
425
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,189
then you can get out of this deal
before we hear the inspector's report.
426
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,192
- Okay. All done.
- Wait, don't say anything yet.
427
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,819
Mrs. H, if you're out, you're out.
428
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,946
But if you're in,
you have to believe in yourself.
429
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:34,863
Can you do that?
430
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,323
Can you believe that you're lucky?
431
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,075
Come on!
Give me a little "buttshine"!
432
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,369
[laughs] Okay, I'm in!
433
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,371
All right, yes!
So, what's the verdict?
434
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,413
The house is a dump.
435
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,249
Van!
436
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,042
I'm just kidding! [laughs]
437
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,461
Nobody ever likes that joke.
438
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,464
The house is great.
You're good to go.
439
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,799
- Thank you.
- Van, did you hear that?
440
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,759
The house is great!
We're good to go!
441
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,928
How about those brass things, huh?
442
00:18:58,470 --> 00:18:59,429
[chuckles]
443
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,182
Pretty smart to have this done twice, Van.
444
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,643
"Twice?" What do you mean, "twice"?
445
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,937
I inspected the house last week
before Van bought it.
446
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,063
It's very smart.
447
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:09,773
You don't wanna
leave it up to luck, right?
448
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:10,983
[chuckles] No.
449
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,904
You already had the house inspected?
450
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,824
Oh, yeah, Mrs. H, I'm not an idiot.
451
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,785
Well, what about that whole lucky thing?
452
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,287
This doesn't prove that I'm lucky.
453
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,329
Sure it does.
454
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,582
You didn't know the house was fine
when you stayed in.
455
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,041
That makes you lucky.
456
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,296
You mean you set this
whole thing up just to...
457
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,756
force me to believe in myself?
458
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,718
Yes. Because I believe in you.
459
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,803
[chuckles]
460
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,805
You are one sweet kid, Van.
461
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:44,349
Ah. Like a big cube of sugar.
462
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,893
[laughs]
463
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,020
So I guess you kinda played me,
didn't you?
464
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,438
Oh. [chuckles]
465
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,023
Like a fiddle.
466
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,316
[laughs]
467
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,362
- Well, let me ask you somethin', Van.
- Huh?
468
00:19:58,071 --> 00:19:59,323
You feel lucky right now?
469
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,742
Well, maybe not so much.
470
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:03,744
Oh!
471
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,343
[female voice] Econostar.
Can I help you?
472
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,304
Hello?
473
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:23,805
Who is this?
474
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,140
I'm Chrissie.
475
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,559
[sighs] Chrissie.
476
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:30,729
Thank God.
I've been locked in my car for hours.
477
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:31,688
Can you get me out?
478
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:32,606
Sure.
479
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,191
Just one question.
480
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,735
Are you the guy that gave Hal a hard time?
481
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:40,989
No.
482
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,242
Liar!
483
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,328
[horn blaring]
484
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,082
[inaudible]
485
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,167
[horn continues blaring]
486
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:55,879
[closing theme music playing]
487
00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:25,867
{\an8}Acme! [coughing]